Introduction
Friendship is such a curious and nuanced human condition. It is comforting, encouraging, and an important part of life and satisfaction. It is uniquely built on trust. True friendship relies on a sometimes-unspoken rule. But the rule is unbreakable if the friendship is to last. It can be stated simply: I trust you to do what is best for me.
A true friend speaks the truth in love
Why can you say things to your friend that others might not forgive you for? Trust. Why can you go for long periods of time without meaningful contact and still feel love for that person and love from that person? Trust. Why can you be vulnerable and open with your friend? Trust. Why do you give them the key to your house when you are on vacation? Trust.
Here is the amazing power of trust; it is only those that I trust that I can be completely honest with and who can be completely honest with me. Trust facilitates transparency. But even if there is great trust and deep friendship, transparency requires self-control and loving application. I can say things to my friends that I cannot say to my acquaintances. But I should still temper those honest things with love! This is essential to human friendship, and this is essential to church life.
Here is a summary of Ephesians 4:11-16: Jesus gave the church its leaders to equip Christians and build up a mature church that is able to withstand the pressures of sin and society. But the individual members must be “speaking the truth in love” to “grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.” When they speak the truth to one another lovingly, the church will be strong and healthy and growing.
The same principle holds true as you seek to share the gospel with your unsaved friend. They need the truth (John 14:6)! It is the truth that will set them free (John 8:32)! But they can only hear the truth when you share it with love. This is what true friends do.
But how do I love them? If I understand that biblical love is sacrificial giving, how do I love my friends to the Truth of Jesus?
A true friend is willing to sacrifice
Jesus put it this way in John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus laid down His life willingly on the cross. Are you willing to lay down your life to love your friends to the truth of Jesus? This does not usually require the extreme sacrifice of life itself, but rather the components that make up life like time, priorities, resources and kindness.
Let me suggest an example: Most Americans feel very busy. I, like many middle-aged men, try to cram too many things into my week. Let’s suppose that I hurry home from a busy day at work in just enough time to catch the fleeting hours of sunlight to mow my lawn before dinner, after which I have an important meeting to attend. My window of time is just big enough to mow the hayfield that was once my lawn. Getting the grass cut is all that is on my mind. And then someone I have been trying to witness to, calls. Ugh! I can probably call them back later. Or I can stop, make the sacrifice, lay down my life, and love them to Jesus.
I remember being faced with this sort of conundrum one night as my wife and I were enjoying a quiet evening in our living room. It was just before 10PM when the phone rang. I looked at the phone and realized it was one of our local police officers that I had been witnessing to. I’m sorry to admit that I really didn’t want to pick up. I really just wanted to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. But I apologized to my wife and picked up the phone. Phil was distraught and his wife was crying in the background. Here is the “long story, short.” Phil and his wife needed love. And it was the kind of active love that would cost me and my wife for days afterward, but yield great opportunity for gospel witness. We were faced with a tangible choice. Lay down our comfort, our schedule, our resources, our time for the gospel? Or do what was easy: keep our lives for ourselves.
Maybe you can relate to one of the scenarios I’ve shared. Maybe it will look differently for you. Perhaps your opportunity will be a financial sacrifice for the gospel, or maybe even a career sacrifice for the gospel. The big question is this: Are you willing to lay down your life to love your friend to Jesus?
Matthew 16:24-25 “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
Conclusion
The world needs true friends to love them to Jesus by speaking the truth with a loving attitude backed up by loving action. Will you, by God’s grace, do that?
Brad Stille is the Lead Pastor at First Baptist Church of Wixom, Michigan and serves as an Exchange Trainer. Contact Brad about leading an Exchange Training Event or to discuss this article at [email protected].